mamahog 'n the lets

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I have loved you a long time now. Thank you for the laughs, the tears, the inspiration, and the joy. I will miss you, you beautiful fool.

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So. I've moved to England.

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Labels: other., rantlets

Ben yabancigim, ben yabancigim. Ben yabancigim Istanbul da.

Quite a few years ago when I was young and hung out regularly with Turkish film-makers, I had a very stupid idea to make a cover of the famous Sting song: An Englishman in New York. We’d butcher it to become: I’m an alien; I’m a legal alien… ben yabanciyim istanbul’da. We would record a video and become the next summer number one. We had the whole concept worked out: find two other foreign girls, one blonde English rose, dressed in a long flowery dress, the other mini-skirted and Very Sexy. I’d be the middle of the road option in jeans and trainers. We’d spend the video touring Istanbul’s sites. A night restaurant scene, dancing down Istiklal, our hair blowing in the wind as we sped along the Bosphorous in a convertible car in the sunshine, and finally, rolling up a dark, gelled haired Turkish kebabci or the like, in a carpet in the Kapali Carsi and trying to smuggle him home.

They jumped at the idea, and it could have worked too, if I hadn’t worried about tarnishing my coolness for all eternity and chickened out.
So the whole thing fell apart. Thank goodness. How annoyed would I have been if they’d done it anyway and I’d missed out on all the cash and silliness?

I’ve been in Istanbul for well over a decade now. And have had many, many silly ideas to match that. And many more silly experiences which would make for great video.
The Istanbul I came to in ’95 was a very different cat from the one who purrs around me today. But then I guess so was I.

Since arriving as a shy 25 year old I have been single, dated, been single again, been married to a Turkish man, had children, been a separated single parent, found love on the internet, and imported a toy boy.
I’ve had a ludicrous amount of ridiculous jobs, including being employed to test the security of a high profile foreign embassy by bluffing my way in with a spanner strapped to my inner thigh. I narrowly escaped getting shot.

While working with fashion magazines, TV and cinema, I’ve acted in commercials and been dubbed into Turkish. I once played in a pop video next to an old star whose wig got blown into the sea by a helicopter and had to delay my crying scene when I couldn’t stop chuckling.

I was once aggressively pursued by a billionaire, and had his bodyguards frighten off my lovers. I’ve been told I have boobs like oranges by the local muhtar, and I’ve jumped out of a moving taxi outside the Dolmabahce Palace, once it became apparent that was the safest option.

Men acting inappropriately on the street have been knocked unconscious by the same hands that have massaged the rich and famous. Burglars have been chased out of my house by a naked screaming Mad Me and been hit with things both large and metal. I’ve turned the tables on an incompetent electrician and plumber duo by insisting they take off their socks and stand in my newly installed bath to see how long it takes them to be electrocuted. They re-installed it post haste.

The same woman who has had her favourite vibrator stolen by her cleaners, and DEMANED to know which one took her “plastic pee-pee which goes jjzzzzzzzzzzz”, has taught in schools and supervised other teachers. She has taken care of her own and others children. And she has taken solace in her local village and been humbled by the sense of community and freedom it has offered to her and her family freely.

Turkey has given me the opportunity to grow and change with it. To try, to succeed and to fail on a daily basis. And it has given me some wonderful stories to tell. The sense of achievement each day that I am still alive, and have not yet been mown over by a taxi or swallowed by an earthquake are probably reason enough to be glad. But there are always more.

And now after all this time, and with all the beautiful and dreadful people, both Turkish and foreign whom I have met over the years, I have a family of incredible friends, Yemeksipeti, an ex-husband who has turned out to be a fantastic dad, two cats and my two amazing bi-lingual young children who manage to ensure that life never gets dull in an entirely new way.

I’m still a yabanci. Yet I’m also Istanbulu. I’ve gone almost completely native, and I’m home.

Even now as I sit surrounded by a useless paperwork monster, around 3 cubic metres of half filled boxes, bare, stained walls and way too many bin-bags fit to burst. As I send hundreds of emails with two completely separate CV’s to prospective yet unlikely employers in the UK. And as I bite my nails while looking at ugly, small, miniature windowed, overpriced rental houses in Cornwall, and drink a gallon of tea (with milk) per day. This is still home.

Don’t get me wrong… I am very excited about moving back to the UK. We have many very good reasons for doing so, other than just the words ‘Fresh Start’, and real Cheddar cheese. But…

Well just ‘But…’ really.

No matter how many things I may hate about here, like power and water cuts, I’m sure there’ll be as many -if not more- that I will hate about my old and my future home, the UK. After being here so long there are less things I miss about there, than I know I will miss about here.

Burasi Istanbul abi yah. It’s here. And even when I’m not, I’m pretty sure it will remain my home for a long while yet.

So as I finish typing up my little farewell note to her, with more than a tear or two in my eyes, maybe I’ll have to start working on re-writing the words to that old song again… I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien, I’m an Istanbulu in England.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, questionable past lives, rantlets

in my absence here, we have been busy here and there...



Being in cities, and making them.
And over the last year we have all been very busy writing and drawing and painting stuff.
And today i believe it's time to share, or at least begin to.

But first, does anybody remember this? It's from way back when i first started to do underpants, and actually did. blog.
The 'lets were only four at the time, and we spent most of our time at home :):)
And they spent almost all their time painting and drawing and building, and were just beginning to write.

Nowadays they are 8. They go to school and rarely get home before 5pm. They have ballet class on Saturdays and i have to share them 2 nights a week with their dad. Which all in all leaves us precious little time for much of anything frankly!

But they do still manage to produce the odd bit of brilliance, and i'm going to share some of the stuff that's made me smile recently. (transcribed exactly as written on the originals)

I will be posting some of this years art work later tonight or tomorrow. :)

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

It's been 5 years since half-nekkid-Thursday started. I got on board almost a year after it started, in March 2006 with this self portrait of my arse:

I still have the dress, the beer and remarkably, the shades. but no longer do i have the time, or the same habits. Also the arse has expanded slightly.

I'd love to get back to it. and to the writing.
but for now, i'll just be content with the desire. and the little reminders.

Thank you to Osbasso.
and to all the other HNT'ers with whom i have had so much fun with in the past. It's still a lovely idea, and i really do appreciate it very very much.

For more nekkidness sidle on over to my hnt tag.

Because nekkid time is funtime!

*

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Labels: hnt, istanbulundercover, questionable past lives

Three months...?

It's rather ridiculous i know. but things are good. so that's something.

We've been busy.
The girls Love their school. although i'm still hammering my head on the fence about whether it's worth $20,000.
i like the new Doctor Who much more than i imagined i would.
i've joined a gym.. and like that EVERY bit as much as i imagined i would. in fact MORE. and still sing about it during times i'm not there, loudly, a lot.
Rob's got a job he really likes, plus he's still working at the school until june, which he hates. but we have enough money to eat meat again rather than lentils and beans everyday. so that's a plus.
i've recently spent a lot of time shouting at the po(+o)p(-e) and British politicians on the comp and telly.
Which is Always Fun.

Also, we have a new cat who isn't exactly new anymore. Our Beloved Fatboy was never returned to us, and we Still Miss Him Terribly. however after about 7 months of mourning tearfully and calling the Thieving Fucking Cunts in Samsun only to be Lied to, we met a Starving scraggly Little alley-kitten near the bins. and began to let go, while letting a new one in.
and that's what i will present for your viewing pleasure today.

The highly (honest gov'nor) edited pictorial life story so far of Gabriel Bernard Richens Orangejello Cheddar Mashup MacGregor.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

sob.

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Labels: istanbulundercover, rantlets

but here's two more... i just can't resist ;)



we luurve halloween ;)

happy all hallows all!
xxx

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets

so hello. do you remember me? i used to come here sometimes. a while back.
you may have read me.
or not.

yeah, scraggy hair/spelling. and no capitalisation.
yeah i do do that. sorry.

i know yes, it is rather annoying. i do actually have a pretty flimsy feminist story to fail at justifying that actually.

no?
you don't?

ok.
sorry.

so um.

well...

the thing is, i am finally alone for an evening. rob is on a bus braving bulgarian border controls for his visa and the littlets are snuggled up in sleeping bags in a camp at the foot of my bed.
i kinda decided to sod the allergic sinus thing and pour some shandy and well, i've turned off the telly, put on some damien rice and i feel like i can actually finally actually say hi to old friends, and even consider updating my long neglected underpants.

would you mind?
really?

bugger.

i was sort of counting on you to say 'yes'.

anyway. sod it. you're here now..

life with twin ludicrouslets , dying computers, a partner who's a now a mostly unemployed, at home all day frustrated yet inspired-to-write Mac-Hog, too many things to do, or not do due to television and self-inflicted ennui of an evening, and cat stealers has meant i haven't actually aggressively shoved the boy off the seat in front of the computer and sat down alone at the one remaining household hand-me-down mac long enough to do anything but read mails and annoying news articles or rush off lesson plans or crap magazine articles since before christmas.
ugh.
but at least i am still able to write the worlds longest sentence in 2 minutes flat.

and apart from the dying and dead computers and cunty cat stealers, and lack of writing on underpants purely for my amusement, life is good ;) if a bit lot skint.

and i still sing a lot.
which helps.

but i do miss my fatcat*. and writing.

but enough about me.
sorry, it's been so long. i just needed to vent a little.


so what about you?
how are you doing?
no really... i do care.

really? yeah... i know you've told me already.
but i haven't read, or visited, or yes...
sorry.

yeah i'm crap.
i'll try to do that now.
really.

no really. i will.

ok, yeah.
so um.
cheers. thanks. bye.

for now.
i'll be back soon. ish at least.
no i will. but yeah, right, i'll check how you are doing first next time.

oh, um. yeah bye.
was good to...
ugh catch up.
later.
cheers.

*

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Labels: istanbulundercover, rantlets, the wonderlets

and the bastards have sent him to samsun, to some sick mother.

bastards.

there will be blood.

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happy christmakkah!

from your loving nearly middle-aged-new-aged-humanist-agnostic-atheistic christmas loving lush.

am shlightly pished.

i got vodka and chocolate. the lets got a sheep brains to dissect and remote controlled flying stuff. macyummy got a book and chess.

and we all got fat and tired and huggy.

hope you did too. ish.

kisses.

edit (one vodka later) : apparently i'm actually a pantheistic-nearly middle-aged-new-aged-humanist-agnostic-atheistic christmas loving lush.

re-edit (after a good sleep, orange juice, and two cups of earl grey) : or not.

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let1: "if nothing existed and before anything was, what colour would it be?"

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Labels: istanbulundercover, the wonderlets